To be with the truthful

Outgoing ISI chief General Ahmed Shuja Pasha explained why Bollywood spy thriller, Agent Vinod, indeed hurts Pakistani sensitivities, especially the ISI’s, and why there was no way the establishment could have countenanced the movie’s release in Pakistan. Excerpts from General Pasha’s interview with The Unreal Times Islamabad correspondent, Wajahat Habibullah:

Unreal Times: General, give us a straightforward answer. Why was Agent Vinod banned in Pakistan?

General Pasha: The movie shows the ISI in poor light. How the f*** do you expect us to approve it.

Unreal Times: But General, the movie portrays the ISI to be good guys viz. India. Co-operating with Indian officials to prevent a terrorist attack, acting with maturity to defuse tensions and…

General Pasha: AARGH! That’s the bloody problem. Our bad ass, bad boy image has taken a complete beating now thanks to that silly movie. The other day, my wife saw a pirated version of Ajhand Vinod and hasn’t stopped complimenting me ever since for being the head of such a humanitarian and peace loving organization. Damn man, ISI’s hard earned reputation built over decades of dirty work in India has now been blown to smithereens just like that because of the scatterbrained plot.

Unreal Times: Hmm..You have a point there. But surely showing Bebo as an ISI agent is good for sexing up the ISI’s image, no?

General Pasha: Now don’t get my blood boiling again. The corps commanders think I run a beauty pageant, not a spy agency. First that bimbo Veena poses for FHM with ‘ISI’ tattooed on her arms and now Bebo as an ISI agent romancing Saifu playing a RAW agent. What the f***, yaar? Yesterday, President Zardari requested me to lend him an ISI agent just like Bebo for his protection. #$@#$ @##@@#$@$

(General Pasha lets out a volley of choice Punjabi gaalis that we have decided not to publish)

Unreal Times: Oh well, can’t satisfy everyone, I suppose. But General, at least Bebo and Saif made a good team, you gotta admit no?

General Pasha (wistfully): We might have agreed to the movie’s release if you had shown Bebo to be the RAW agent and some Pakistani hunk as her ISI counterpart. It’s bad for the boys’ morale when a Bollywood movie depicts an Indian hero pataoing a Pakistani chick. We still haven’t recovered from Ghadar – Ek Prem Katha, you know.

Unreal Times: But General, that’s the only way we can get back at your Pakistani playboys and cricketers pataoing our Indian babes in real life. And anyway, Bollywood is always about letting people fantasize.

General Pasha (in a softer tone): Talking of fantasies, I liked the mujra item number featuring Bebo and that other chick. Have advised  the boys to de-stress by watching that on YouTube and avoiding the rest of the movie.

Unreal Times: Thanks for sparing time to clarify your stand on Agent Vinod, General Pasha.

General Pasha: My pleasure.

Agent Vinod may have opened to a tepid response in India but has had a profound bearing on who will succeed Pasha at the helm of the dreaded spy agency. According to Pakistani news reports, Saif’s uncle, Maj-Gen Isfandyar Ali Khan Pataudi, a deputy director general in ISI, was hitherto in the running for the job but lost out after the release of Agent Vinod. “You see, if Pataudi sahab became the ISI chief, Saifu would have been emboldened to make a sequel showcasing the ISI as an angelic charity organization. That’s a nightmarish PR scenario we would rather avoid,” said General Kayani.

The ISI will instead be headed by SRK’s distant relative, Gen Zaheer-ul-Islam. “We would rather bet on the King Khan’s uncle than Chhote Nawab’s uncle for the job. At worst, SRK will make Ra.one sequel and we can live with that,” tersely noted General Kayani.

Saif, meanwhile, dropped a bombshell by announcing that if  Agent Vinod becomes a hit, he will make sequels called Agent Suresh and Agent Ramesh.

Source:The unreal times