I am telling you this because I wish someone had told me this.
Girls, when you get in your early 20s it’s important for you to get married. Do not delay your marriage. If you get a good proposal say yes! Don’t reject good boys by giving stupid excuses.
I know getting married is scary and all. Especially because we go the arranged marriage way but trust me the consequences of delaying your marriage will be worse. I know most girls will say that they have to study, work, do something in their career and then get married- that’s what I thought. But when you really think about it, you have a lot of time to study and build a career AFTER marriage (there is no need for you to start popping out babies immediately after you get hitched).
Because there is an age for getting married and after you pass that age it will be difficult to find a good spouse and then you will have to compromise, and that’s the truth.
This realization suddenly hit me very clearly, when I decided to make a profile for my elder brother on a shia matrimonial website. When I was looking at female profiles(for my bro), I was very surprised to see that most of the girls were 19, 20, 21 i.e. under 25. They were smart,educated(pursuing), beautiful and religious! And I thought about myself, I’m 25 years old and single! In a purely arranged marriage situation, if a guy is given a choice between a 21 yr old and a 25 yr old, he will choose the 21 yr old. that’s a fact. Men prefer marrying younger girls and even if they don’t their moms prefer marrying them to younger girls!
And if you look at it from a religious perspective, marriage is half your religion and most of the dwellers of hell will be single. It is very,very difficult to stay away from sin if you are single. It is very easy for Shaitan to mislead you.
:::::The Marriage of Imam Ali and Lady Fatima (s.a):::::
Written by: Ayotullah Nasir Makaram Shirazi::
The Holy Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him and his progeny) said: “In the event that Ali would not have been created, there would have been no one worthy to be Fatima’s spouse.”
The extraordinary virtues of Lady Fatima (peace be upon her) on one hand, her blood relations with the Prophet on the other hand, and the nobility of her family furthermore, caused many of the high-ranking supporters of the Prophet to propose to her; but all heard negative answers. Each time, the Prophet would usually answer them, saying: “Her matter is in the hands of her Lord.”
The strangest case was the proposal of Abdul Rahman ibn Awf. A rich man who, by the customs of Age of Ignorance, looked at everything through the viewing window of materialism, he visualized a heavy dowry as a sign of the woman’s personal status and the superior position of the husband. He came to see the Prophet, saying: “If you will give Fatima to me in marriage, I will make her a dower of one hundred camels with loads of precious material from Egypt, along with 10000 Dinars in gold!”
The Prophet was so displeased with this meaningless proposal that he took a handful of gravel and threw it towards Abdul Rahman and said: “You thought that I was a servant of money and wealth that you are expressing pride in your money and wealth!” (Tezkerat al-Khawas)
Indeed, in Lady Fatima’s marriage proposal Islamic examples must be defined, the customs of ignorance suppressed, and the standards of Islamic values made clear.
The people were speaking of these very things when suddenly it was heard everywhere that the Prophet wished to give his only daughter to Ali ibn Abi Talib (peace be upon him) in marriage. Imam Ali did not have access to worldly wealth and possessions, nor did he possess any of the standards of the Age of Ignorance; rather, instead he was from head to toe full of faith and real Islamic values. Indeed, this blessed historical marriage was a heavenly revelation, because the Prophet himself said: “An angel of God came to me and told me that God sends you greetings and says: ‘I have made Fatima the wife of Ali ibn Abi Talib in the highest heavens already, so you should also marry her to him on earth.’” (Dhakair al-Abqa)
When Imam Ali went to the Prophet with his marriage proposal for Lady Fatima, his face was red with shyness. When the Prophet saw him, he became cheerful and smiled, asking him why he had come. But Imam Ali, because of the imposing presence of the Prophet, could not put forth his wish and, as such, remained silent.
Aware of Imam Ali’s intentions, the Prophet said: “Maybe you have come for marriage proposal of Fatima?” He replied: “Yes, I have come for that very purpose.” The Prophet said: “Ali, before you, other men had come for proposal of Fatima. Whenever I informed Fatima of this matter, she would not show her approval. Right now, let me inform her of this conversation.”
It is true that the marriage was heavenly and must take place. But especially because of the high status of Lady Fatima, and to demonstrate the respect and freedom of women in choosing their husbands, it was necessary that the Prophet of Islam should not go ahead in this matter without the consent of Lady Fatima.
When the Prophet described the virtues of Imam Ali for his daughter, he said: “I wish to make you the wife of the best of God’s creation. What is your opinion?” Lady Fatima, who was submerged in shyness and modesty, lowered her head saying nothing and denying nothing. The Prophet raised his head and spoke this historical sentence, which is a proof for Islamic jurists today in relation to the marriage of previously unmarried girls: “God is the Greatest! Her silence is the proof of her agreement.”
Following these events, the marriage contract was concluded by the Holy Prophet.
It is without doubt that the marriage of the Best of Men in the world with the Princess of the World’s Women must in every way be an example
Any serious talk of marriage is making me feel anxious and insecure. Infact I am feeling scared.
Marrying a strange guy, going to a strange place, living with his strange family. Leaving your family and every thing familiar to you behind. Girls get married because they “have to” not because they “want to”.
So I overheard a strange idea in an advanced Islamic lecture which I was not supposed to hear. The alimah was giving a lecture and I was in the next room so I couldn’t help overhearing it.
We all know that the spiritual state of the mother during pregnancy has an influence on her children, what I overheard took this concept to another level. The alimah was telling her students about “non apparent” illegitimacy. When a person is apparently legitimate but he displays characteristics of illegitimate people. This happens because that person’s mother though apparently faithful to her husband was actually in love with another man and was thinking about him (mental zina). The children from such marriages though apparently legitimate will display characteristics of illegitimate people!
That’s a scary thought. Especially because most marriages in our community are not “love” marriages.
This friend of mine got married young and inspite of being brilliant and ambitious couldn’t pursue a career. “Try to delay getting married as much as possible.”, she said. “Why?”, I asked. “Because after you get married your life is not yours anymore. Half of your life goes to your husband and the other half goes to your inlaws. They decide everything for you. what you wear, what you eat, who you hang out with, what you do even who you say salaam to!” “So”,she continued,”every girl should enjoy her life to the fullest before getting married.” “What if you want to enjoy your life with your husband?”, I asked her. She looked at me like I had gone bonkers.
Most Muslim families generally follow this policy. The fact that there is a greater possibility of genetic birth defects in the children resulting from such unions is not considered.
nargessi replied to your post: realfakescientist replied to your post: I recently…
we are doomed regardless. Many are gonna get married and probably oppress another person by our tongues, actions, etc and gain hell in another way ;P
Why so negative, sis? I don’t plan to oppress my future husband, whoever the poor guy is (I already feel sorry for him!).
And I think it depends a lot on priorities- sometimes the husband and wife have different priorities and that can cause problems. If both the partners are religious and god fearing Muslims who understand each others rights and duties then I don’t think there will be a problem :)
I really don’t want to die single!
That’s where her sasural(husband’s family) is located. My uncle came to see her off. I saw that they were tears in his eyes.
When he saw me looking, he said “Oh, my eyes are watering.”
Men! Why can’t he just admit that he was crying.
Anyway,After my elder sister left my Uncle turned to me and said,”Beta, you don’t get married to someone who lives so far away.”
I said,”Yes, Chachajaan.” (Like I have a choice!)
He said and I quote, “Don’t even THINK of any guy until he comes to your house with a marriage proposal!”
The fact that this particular brother is madly in love with a girl he can never marry is another story.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor
LOL! I don’t agree with this but I think it’s funny!
Everybody was making fun of him because true desi istyle he saw his wife for the first time on the day of the engagement.
When I told my elder sister about this, she said;”You find this funny? You think this isn’t going to happen to you?”
and I am like : *gulp*